Supreme Court rejects bid to punish school for respecting trans student’s identity

As a person who was raised by a parent just like this, I can say that a lot of it stems from the fact that many parents wrongly see their children not as individuals but as extensions of themselves.

This mindset creates that ‘ownership’ mentality and behaviors, which nearly always leads to disappointment, projection, control, manipulation, and rejection.

The parents sued, calling it a “secret gender transition plan” and arguing the school violated their constitutional rights by withholding information about their child’s gender identity. Their petition said the district had “secretly driven a wedge into the parent-child relationship” and unlawfully “usurp[ed] the parent’s role.”

"Siri, how can I make my child resent me forever"

Parents of trans people are really good at doing that

You get to give them a legal name. That's it. You don't get to decide if their friends call them "Bethany", like you named them, or "Beth", "Betty", "BB", or "Thurgash the Hungry One", let alone if they ask to go by "Garrett".

The schools, in my humble opinion, are there to serve the best interests of the child. Sometimes that means sharing information with the parents so that you are aware of concerning developments and you can work with the teachers to help your child. Sometimes, unfortunately, that also means that the parents are the concern. Signs of physical or sexual abuse, for example. Malnurishment. Things of that nature. The school not only doesn't need to defer to the parents' "rights" at that point, they have a legal obligation to report these concerns for investigations that may even lead to the stripping of those parental rights.

When it comes to children who are expressing body gender dismorphia or non-heteronormative behaviors, A) you have to consider the actual risks of those things and the means by which they are being expressed. If they are expressing them in destructive or dangerous ways, such as overtly sexual acts, self harm, etc. then those are probably concerns to bring up with parents. If they are simply mannerisms, preferred names, identity, then those are not concerning behaviors that warrant intervention of any kind. B) you have to consider the risks of pushing back on the behaviors. Studies show, pretty much universally, that suppression of ones identity often leads to anxiety, depression and increased risk of suicide. If the behaviors are harmless, and suppressing them is not harmless, then the obvious path is to not suppress them. C) You have to guage the reactions of the parents. Some parents are compassionate/caring. Some parents are apathetic/uninvolved. Some parents are shitty/mean. Some parents are straight up dangerous. So you have to guage how sharing innocent information with the parents will be reacted to. Again, if the behaviors are harmless, and sharing that information with the parents will cause harm, then the obvious path is not to share it if you don't have to.

I'm a parent too. She's only 2 right now, so I am not in this situation yet. I've fostered teens and preteens, and been on the not so fun side of this, where behaviors are actually harmful and my wife and I were involved as a result (there is also more complicated "rights" in those cases as they weren't our children, legally). When my daughter is in school, if she starts to feel that she is uncomfortable in her body, that maybe she is a boy, or both or neither, or that she likes girls, or whatever, I like to hope that I will know that as soon or sooner than a teacher would anyway. And if not, I like to think that, if her teacher is familiar with my wife and I, they will know that we are not going to be the type of parents that shame our daughter or suppress who she is and be concerned about sharing that.

But I don't know how this may play out, except I do know that I will not hold teachers responsible for spying on and reporting harmless behaviors of my child to me. If I don't already know and the teacher does, there is probably a reason my daughter hasn't shared that. It may not necessarily be a good reason. Kids often make strange judgements or leaps in logic, and have a natural desire to gain independence from their parents, but that is part of growing up. And if you trust that the teacher cares for your child, you have to trust that they are acting in their best interest from their perspective. They're a person and a caregiver, not your spy or direct report.

Great reply but I will offer one small correction. It would be gender dysphoria. Body dysmorphia is something else and the variant one would expect to most commonly see in teenagers (thinking one is fat despite not being overweight) is something that parents probably should get a heads up about as it might be associated with anorexia

This kid's life must be hell with parents like that...

The parents sued, calling it a “secret gender transition plan” and arguing the school violated their constitutional rights by withholding information about their child’s gender identity. Their petition said the district had “secretly driven a wedge into the parent-child relationship” and unlawfully “usurp[ed] the parent’s role.”

"Siri, how can I make my child resent me forever"

I don't own my kids but I certainly named them and for some years I'm the only one allowed to change that.

The school is usually required to inform parents about significant information regarding their schooling and mental health as well. In my opinion my kid changing their name and or gender is something I would want to know about.

Significant changes like this need to be discussed in depth, which is not to say they shouldn't do it, just that I would like to discuss that and up to a certain age this health decision is up to his parents either way.

I just want to chime in here, I'm a bit disappointed to see the number of downvotes on this comment. Nomad isn't missing the point here, they're not saying anything insensitive or unreasonable. They're just saying that they do expect schools to be in touch with parents.

Personally I don't know what I'd do if my child's school wasn't as communicative and supportive as they are, because my child certainly isn't. I truly rely on the school to know what's up with my kid.

That said, I did read KryptonianCodeMonkey's excellent post as well, and it does clarify some important points and address additional nuance on the schools actual role. But if you read it, you'll notice that it also doesn't actually contradict anything Nomad said, it's just expanding on ideas, providing context and pointing out limitations and exceptions. All of that is great and super valuable, but it's crazy to upvote that and downvote Nomad's post.

To sum up, this is bothering me because the negative score suggests there's something wrong with that post, but there's really nothing wrong with that post.